Earlier in the school, there were groups of people that are well understood. When I think back on it, I can just see how I was never a part of these groups. It may have been so or not, but if I wanted to or tried it already went wrong quickly. Something did not work there. I had Fear. Especially about not to belong. And the fear is probably true every time I behaved well, totally stupid. I can not say.
a long time about the things and standing up, I do not expect me catch up the past. But then suddenly everything as before. Sovereignty and forget the fear is there. As then. And it dominates everything.
This past weekend gave me back the old demons. I realized that I only had contact with someone so because they constituted part of the groups to which I could never belong. I wanted to prove to me that I had passed everything. The fact that I was worth it. Do not make me shit was, as I had previously always felt. We had a friendship, but I did not really comfortable in it. That's why I wanted to put off, but knew not how.
A bitter email fluttered in my mailbox. The sender sent an apology about relatively quickly. Sorry, too late, because I had already responded. And suddenly everything was as before. Fear. Anger. Misconceptions. Excluded. This actually not that comfortable anyway and uncanny friendship, a symbolic ring battle for old conflicts.
I tried all the pain had to repay the old days. I wanted to be the stronger. be the one that stands above it all. Show I was not hurt before, yet now been violated, nor am ever going to be hurt by "the others". We symbolic of my ex-girlfriend M.
The only reasonable that I could do would be to take the phone and resolve the matter as two adult men. Damn. Let the demons rest.
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